I used to love the time of year leading up to the holidays. I loved the feeling of family and togetherness. I always hoped to have a big family to share the joy of the holidays with, too. Jules had that type of family. He had so many aunts and uncles that rooms would be overflowing with people around the holidays. One thing I can say is that I loved his family. Jules had the kindest grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins, who always accepted me with open arms.
It made the holidays so much more difficult when he left me. I instantly lost that part of me. I cringe to think that his new woman instantly inserted her life into mine within days. I was left with nothing but my family and broken memories.
This time of year my frustration is at an all time high. Of all the times of year he could decide to leave me, he had to do it right after Thanksgiving and right before Christmas. Even six years later, it still brings a stinking feeling to my stomach. The brain is a crazy instrument. Once you think you’re finally in a position to move on and not care, a single instance can bring past trauma right back to your brain and heart.
I think about them this time of year. How do they feel as they remember the anniversary of the broken relationships they caused? I realized that people like them don’t care about others. They don’t even care about each other because they don’t know how to love.
You know the day he left me, I messaged her. I thought she was my friend. I actually thought I could trust this girl. (I say girl because a real woman would never do what she did.) I told her he was leaving me and she had the nerve to respond with, “I'm sorry.” She was able to lie to me when she knew he was leaving me for her. You’re just an absolutely awful human being if you’re able to lie to a friend even when you already know what’s about to happen. Funny thing is, there is so much she doesn’t know that he did even after he left me. I made sure to save all the messages with that proof. Not that I would ever show them to her. I mean did she honestly think she was getting a man who would only stay faithful to her when he’d never been faithful to a woman before? I saved those messages to remind myself that those types of men will never change. Also, to remind myself how lucky I am to be out of a very unhealthy relationship.
The holiday season may always bring back less than joyful memories for me, however, looking back I know I was extremely lucky to get out of a relationship like that, and because of that girl, who was my friend, I am forever grateful.
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